Disclaimer: This post is literally about my spiritual journey! Keyword: MINE! There may be some people who this resonates with and others it may not! That’s fine! I’m not here to try to convert anyone into anything and/or bash anyone’s religion! I just want to share my experience!
Growing up in Alabama, going to church was an every Sunday thing! We always went to church on Sunday and ate Sunday dinner at my grandmother’s house! I grew up believing that we must go to church to be able to have a relationship with God. I went to the typical black church with all of the hooping and hollering and all of it’s trimmings. I grew up with friends who were part of the church as well. It was in middle school that I began to see all of my friends being baptized and I had yet to make that decision. For me, I felt like in order for me to choose to get baptized I would have to give up things like cursing, possible premarital sex (I wasn’t having it but I knew I wanted to lol), and listening to any music other than gospel music. At that point in my life, I wasn’t ready to give them up (or the thought of them) because honestly I didn’t feel like those things were bad. It was during my middle school years that the peer pressure of being baptized came into play. After a conversation with one of my friends, I decided to “join church” and get baptized. That following week, I put on the white robe and was baptized at my church officially dedicating my life to God. Honestly, I didn’t really feel any different. I remember the whole event being overshadowed (in my mind) by the fact that I forgot to pack panties. So after I was dried off…I had to be in church with pantyhose and no panties! (LOL!) Other than that, I really don’t even remember feeling anything else. As I grew older, I would continue to go to church and pray, but I still didn’t feel that big feeling that I was expecting to feel.
As I got older, I still went to a variety of churches trying them on to see if I could find one to give me that feeling I was in search of. I even tried to join this college ministry of some kind of preacher during my undergrad. Let’s just say it ended horribly! I had agreed to help him with his ministry. He saw a post I had on Facebook about a song I liked and chose to try to get me together through Facebook messenger. By the end of the conversation, I had ripped him a new one and put him in his place about his issues with music and very shadily wished him well with his ministry! (Yeah, I had Twitter fingers before they were a thing! LOL!) It wasn’t until after college and moving to another city that I was able to attend a church where I felt at home. The funny thing is is that this church looked nothing like the church I grew up in. First of all, in my home town churches are very segregated (because they are still living in the 1950s), but this church was very integrated. It was open, welcoming, funny, loving and it was there that I finally felt at home. Not only did this church look different, but it felt different. I felt that I could be my silly, yet still struggling with sin self and still be welcomed in AS I WAS. They were a nondenominational church and focused more on developing a relationship with God than being more of a traditional rules and regulations focused church. Though I loved the church, I hadn’t become a member yet. After a major heartbreak and feeling like my world was falling apart, I ended up feeling that experience that I had been longing for during one of the sermons. It was during the beginning of 2014 that I chose to not only become a member but to get baptized again. I had felt that feeling to know that this was real. This time, I knew that I was making the right decision. After that, my life felt like it had definitely moved into more of a positive direction. I had gotten so into the church that on Saturday nights I would be so excited to go to church the next day. I had joined the greeting ministry and would always go to the monthly Bible studies as well as church every Sunday. I had officially become “on fire for God” as some say.
Later that year, I moved to Chicago so of course my search for another church home would have to began again. After going through a lot of stress and strife, I realized that that level of faith I had moving to Chicago was so strong because of the teachings and the relationship with God I had cultivated at that church. But just because my faith was high didn’t mean that I wasn’t tested. Trust me, I was definitely tested! Read all about it here: Le Struggle Bus to the Chi: Taking a Leap of Faith: A Reflection Piece However, I still managed to make it through by the grace of God.
Though I am still identifying as Christian, I am now considering myself to be more spiritual than religious. I say that because as you can tell from my experience the traditional religion focused does not work for me. I didn’t really get closer to God until I experienced Him on a spiritual level. Because of a need to feel more connected spiritually, I have been open to learning about other practices and techniques. I have always been big on astrology and loved reading my horoscope so that’s nothing new, but I will say that I have found myself reading more and more about it. For example, I actually completed my natal chart and was amazed at how spot on it was! I have been to an astrologer and had her to do a reading for me. I have also started to work on manifesting things into my life through the Law of Attraction and “Moon Magic”. I have fully embraced the recognition and power of the Universe! I’ve learned the importance of affirmations and mantras! I have also become interested in numerology too! Also, other practices that I have always been interested in have intensified as well. For example, I have been into yoga since undergraduate school, but it wasn’t until around last year that I began to take my practice more serious. Initially, it was just a form of exercise in undergrad, but slowly and surely it has become more of a lifestyle. Yoga has definitely become my personal form of therapy and mediation. It was during one of my yoga classes last year that I found myself crying during shavasana that I began to connect more to the spiritual aspect of yoga. From there, I began to research Chakras and how to understand when they are out of balance. With the research I had been doing on Chakras, I learned more about how the use of crystals, essential oils, and your diet can help you to balance them. I have also been to psychics and had tarot card readings that were spot on! During my last tarot card reading, I was told by the tarot card reading to look into becoming one myself. I have become so open to all of it because I love learning about spirituality and how it all works! Honestly, I feel just as connected to those things as I do with God. I do not feel any less “connected to God” for believing in my moon magic, continuing to read my horoscope and aligning my Chakras. Personally, I think they are all interconnected and we could learn something from all of them.
So to sum it up for those who will ask me the following lingering questions…
- Do I still believe in God?………YES!
- Do I agree/believe in aligning with the Universe?……YES!
- Do I believe in astrology?……..YES! #PiscesNation
- Am I open to learning from other deities?…..YES!
- Do I feel like I should choose and/or be boxed in to only one way of spiritual practice?……NAH! (Maybe it’ll change….who knows?!)
So moving forward….you may here me use “God” and “The Universe” interchangeably….and THAT’S OK! I may even use the words “the Divine” and “the Creator” as well….and THAT’S OK! Allow me the space I need to grow into MY SPIRITUALITY in MY OWN WAY!
I chose to share my story for the people who may be stepping away from their traditional religion/beliefs that they were raised from (or simply just on their spiritual journey like me) and may be feeling lost, anxious, alone, etc. Just know that you are not alone! I’m right there with you! Remember this spiritual journey you are on is just that….YOURS! Don’t let anyone tell you any different or treat you badly for YOUR choices! They are YOURS! Own them, embrace them, and love them!
Feel free to follow along with me as I continue to vibrate higher and ascend to my next level! #GodBless #Namaste