My Journey Spiritually…

Disclaimer: This post is literally about my spiritual journey! Keyword: MINE! There may be some people who this resonates with and others it may not! That’s fine! I’m not here to try to convert anyone into anything and/or bash anyone’s religion! I just want to share my experience!

Growing up in Alabama, going to church was an every Sunday thing! We always went to church on Sunday and ate Sunday dinner at my grandmother’s house! I grew up believing that we must go to church to be able to have a relationship with God. I went to the typical black church with all of the hooping and hollering and all of it’s trimmings. I grew up with friends who were part of the church as well. It was in middle school that I began to see all of my friends being baptized and I had yet to make that decision. For me, I felt like in order for me to choose to get baptized I would have to give up things like cursing, possible premarital sex (I wasn’t having it but I knew I wanted to lol), and listening to any music other than gospel music. At that point in my life, I wasn’t ready to give them up (or the thought of them) because honestly I didn’t feel like those things were bad. It was during my middle school years that the peer pressure of being baptized came into play. After a conversation with one of my friends, I decided to “join church” and get baptized. That following week, I put on the white robe and was baptized at my church officially dedicating my life to God. Honestly, I didn’t really feel any different. I remember the whole event being overshadowed (in my mind) by the fact that I forgot to pack panties. So after I was dried off…I had to be in church with pantyhose and no panties! (LOL!) Other than that, I really don’t even remember feeling anything else. As I grew older, I would continue to go to church and pray, but I still didn’t feel that big feeling that I was expecting to feel.

As I got older, I still went to a variety of churches trying them on to see if I could find one to give me that feeling I was in search of. I even tried to join this college ministry of some kind of preacher during my undergrad. Let’s just say it ended horribly! I had agreed to help him with his ministry. He saw a post I had on Facebook about a song I liked and chose to try to get me together through Facebook messenger. By the end of the conversation, I had ripped him a new one and put him in his place about his issues with music and very shadily wished him well with his ministry! (Yeah, I had Twitter fingers before they were a thing! LOL!) It wasn’t until after college and moving to another city that I was able to attend a church where I felt at home. The funny thing is is that this church looked nothing like the church I grew up in. First of all, in my home town churches are very segregated (because they are still living in the 1950s), but this church was very integrated. It was open, welcoming, funny, loving and it was there that I finally felt at home. Not only did this church look different, but it felt different. I felt that I could be my silly, yet still struggling with sin self and still be welcomed in AS I WAS. They were a nondenominational church and focused more on developing a relationship with God than being more of a traditional rules and regulations focused church. Though I loved the church, I hadn’t become a member yet. After a major heartbreak and feeling like my world was falling apart, I ended up feeling that experience that I had been longing for during one of the sermons. It was during the beginning of 2014 that I chose to not only become a member but to get baptized again. I had felt that feeling to know that this was real. This time, I knew that I was making the right decision. After that, my life felt like it had definitely moved into more of a positive direction. I had gotten so into the church that on Saturday nights I would be so excited to go to church the next day. I had joined the greeting ministry and would always go to the monthly Bible studies as well as church every Sunday. I had officially become “on fire for God” as some say.

Later that year, I moved to Chicago so of course my search for another church home would have to began again. After going through a lot of stress and strife, I realized that that level of faith I had moving to Chicago was so strong because of the teachings and the relationship with God I had cultivated at that church. But just because my faith was high didn’t mean that I wasn’t tested. Trust me, I was definitely tested! Read all about it here: Le Struggle Bus to the Chi: Taking a Leap of Faith: A Reflection Piece However, I still managed to make it through by the grace of God.

Though I am still identifying as Christian, I am now considering myself to be more spiritual than religious. I say that because as you can tell from my experience the traditional religion focused does not work for me. I didn’t really get closer to God until I experienced Him on a spiritual level. Because of a need to feel more connected spiritually, I have been open to learning about other practices and techniques. I have always been big on astrology and loved reading my horoscope so that’s nothing new, but I will say that I have found myself reading more and more about it. For example, I actually completed my natal chart and was amazed at how spot on it was! I have been to an astrologer and had her to do a reading for me. I have also started to work on manifesting things into my life through the Law of Attraction and “Moon Magic”.  I have fully embraced the recognition and power of the Universe! I’ve learned the importance of affirmations and mantras! I have also become interested in numerology too! Also, other practices that I have always been interested in have intensified as well. For example, I have been into yoga since undergraduate school, but it wasn’t until around last year that I began to take my practice more serious. Initially, it was just a form of exercise in undergrad, but slowly and surely it has become more of a lifestyle. Yoga has definitely become my personal form of therapy and mediation. It was during one of my yoga classes last year that I found myself crying during shavasana that I began to connect more to the spiritual aspect of yoga. From there, I began to research Chakras and how to understand when they are out of balance. With the research I had been doing on Chakras, I learned more about how the use of crystals, essential oils, and your diet can help you to balance them.  I have also been to psychics and had tarot card readings that were spot on! During my last tarot card reading, I was told by the tarot card reading to look into becoming one myself. I have become so open to all of it because I love learning about spirituality and how it all works! Honestly, I feel just as connected to those things as I do with God. I do not feel any less “connected to God” for believing in my moon magic, continuing to read my horoscope and aligning my Chakras. Personally, I think they are all interconnected and we could learn something from all of them.

So to sum it up for those who will ask me the following lingering questions…

  • Do I still believe in God?………YES!
  • Do I agree/believe in aligning with the Universe?……YES!
  • Do I believe in astrology?……..YES! #PiscesNation
  • Am I open to learning from other deities?…..YES!
  • Do I feel like I should choose and/or be boxed in to only one way of spiritual practice?……NAH! (Maybe it’ll change….who knows?!)

So moving forward….you may here me use “God” and “The Universe” interchangeably….and THAT’S OK! I may even use the words “the Divine” and “the Creator” as well….and THAT’S OK! Allow me the space I need to grow into MY SPIRITUALITY in MY OWN WAY!

I chose to share my story for the people who may be stepping away from their traditional religion/beliefs that they were raised from (or simply just on their spiritual journey like me) and may be feeling lost, anxious, alone, etc. Just know that you are not alone! I’m right there with you! Remember this spiritual journey you are on is just that….YOURS! Don’t let anyone tell you any different or treat you badly for YOUR choices! They are YOURS! Own them, embrace them, and love them!

Feel free to follow along with me as I continue to vibrate higher and ascend to my next level! #GodBless #Namaste

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Le Struggle Bus to the Chi: Taking a Leap of Faith: A Reflection Piece

These past few months have definitely been a time of reflection, especially with me graduating from grad school! During that weekend, I was filled with so much joy as I celebrated such a major milestone with the ones who had supported me through it all! I also have found myself reflecting as I’m realizing that I’m finally on the other side of the leap of faith I took! I’m starting to realize why I had to go through all the hell I went through to get here!

A lot of people don’t know my struggle to get here because I didn’t really focus or share my struggle because I was too focused on what could go right instead of what could go wrong! Well, I’m about to share all of the struggles and things that did go wrong, so that you can understand that this was definitely not an easy transition for me!

Honestly, I chose to go back to school after dealing with one of the most toxic work environment ever and a toxic situationship with a guy I had had a crush on forever! With having to deal with all of that, I knew I wanted a change! So I started researching programs and schools and stumbled upon the school I just graduated from! I actually spent my Valentine’s Day of 2014 finishing my grad school application, and by my birthday (March 7th) I had received an acceptance letter! With that in mind, it meant that my life was about to change drastically in a matter of months and that I would be moving from Alabama to Chicago to start grad school! As exciting as that sounds, it also came with a deep-rooted sense of anxiety that things wouldn’t work out and that I’d fail miserably! I was afraid because this was the furthest I’ve ever been from my family in my whole life, and I also had never been to Chicago and didn’t know a soul there. But I knew I wanted and felt like I needed this change…so I continued. During the months leading up to the move, I chose to get a second job and was trying to save money. I also took a trip to Chicago with some friends to check it out and look for apartments. Everything seemed to be going smooth sailing (on the surface). It wasn’t until about a month before I moved that I realized how much I was not ready for this move. I still didn’t have an apartment, barely had any money for this move, and didn’t know what I was going to do about any of it. I was still persistent in going, but I had no clue how this was going to work out. So of course, I took to praying, going to church more and increasing my faith. With my faith now on fleek, I still put in my two weeks notice, sold my bedroom furniture and had arrangements to stay with a cousin on my father’s side who I had never met. Well, it wasn’t until two days before I was planning on taking the 12 hour drive to Chicago that my cousin sends me a text to tell me that I couldn’t stay with them. YES, HE SENT A MOTHERFUCKING TEXT! SMH! So there I was…days away from leaving now with no place to stay and my two weeks notice already in. Well, I’ll be damn! So I called my one of my besties from college and I burst out crying on the phone with her. She could feel my pain and reached out to our other friend who gave me a call for a pep talk. And ya’ll….that was one of the most powerful pep talks and conversations I have ever had! She basically reminded me of all the things in my life that were going right…all of the things I had that were working for me to be able to go (like being accepted to the school and having a good working car to be able to drive myself to Chicago).  Then, she said “And you are about to let this all go b/c of one simple thing!” “….NO MA’AM (in her most stern but Motherly loving voice)”, she yelled. Still to this day…I can hear her voice screaming at me “No ma’am!!” whenever I begin to doubt my abilities and if something is going to happen for me! The pep talk literally changed my life!

So the next day, I talked to this girl who was my mentor for the program and she offered to let me stay with her. Then, while I was at church praying a woman who was a customer of mine from my job at came up to me and handed me a check for $100 b/c she said The Lord kept telling her to bless me! So I took those as signs to continue to fight this thing! So I did! I drove my twelve hours, stayed at my mentors’s house, went to orientation and enjoyed my first two days in Chicago. I was still lowkey trying to apartment hunt, but I had no idea where to even start and no money and/or job to do it. But after two days of being in my mentor’s apartment, she hits me with this “it’s not enough room for me and her cat in the apartment” bullshit. Bitch, you knew that when you said I could stay! *side-eye* I lowkey feel like she just didn’t want me to stay because of not being able to have privacy with her boyfriend, which is fine! Do you, boo! Do you! I’m not the one for bullshit, so I just packed my shit up and left by the time she had came back from getting her laundry! Don’t have to tell me twice! Trust, I don’t stay where I’m not wanted! The nearest relative to me was in Detroit, which was a 5 hour drive from Chicago. The funny thing is is that she had just called me the night before and told me I should come visit sometimes. So I called her as I was leaving ole girl’s house and asked her if it was ok if I come stay for a while…and sure enough she said yeah! So off to Detroit, I went.

I was so grateful to be around family and people I knew! OMG! Now, Detroit is definitely not my city, but it was nice to visit. So here I was traveling from Detroit to Chicago for school! (Yes, I was determined!) I would stay in Detroit the majority of the week. Then, go to class Tuesday night, stay at a random woman’s house (who I met b/c of an old coworker), and then go to class that Wednesday night and drive back to Detroit first thing Thursday morning! Luckily, I only had class two nights a week, but I did that for a couple of weeks! Then, one day, I got a call from aunt of mine (who i’ve never met either) about a brother in law she had in Chicago South Suburbs who I could stay with. He called me a few days later and said I could stay and gave me his address. So…back to Chicago area I go. Staying with him, I had my own bathroom and my own bedroom. He was a nice older man. He liked to cook and overall seemed like a decent guy. Around this time, my luck got so much better and I landed not ONE…but TWO jobs both part-time but still it was better than my current struggle! Both of the jobs were in the downtown Chicago area…so that was about an hour or more each way commute everyday (by public transit b/c I refused to pay to park! LOL!) With the two jobs, school and the long commute everyday, I found myself always tired but I was still so grateful to be in the city. With me having been without a job for a while, I was behind on my car payments and the guy I was living with had just started charging me “rent”. With all of that being said and my little salaries from my part-time jobs, I was at a point where they were about to reposess my baby! The nice old man turned into a grinch days before Christmas and decided to steal my joy by making me choose between my rent or my car. Of course, I chose my car b/c at the end of the day…if push came to shove…I needed to be able to get the fuck back home! LOL!

Luckily, during my stay with him, he introduced me to another uncle who lived right across the street, so that’s where I moved to. He was an older man who had had a stroke. Though he had had a stroke, he seemed to really still be able to take care of himself. Well, let’s just say it was only a matter of months before I had to leave there too. The other guy had warned me that since the stroke this guy had somewhat of a mean streak! Well, let’s just say I got to see that first hand and knew I had  to leave! He woke me up one night at 2am banging on my door like the police to make me put up some dishes! That’s when I knew I was too grown for this! I was grateful for a place to stay, but I couldn’t find peace to save my soul! During my days off from work and school, I had been traveling to the city by car and looking at apartments.

The dishes incident ended up happening right after my application had just got approved for an apartment in Hyde Park. I packed all my stuff up in the middle of blizzard in February with snow up to my knees, and moved myself into my new place. It was easy really because I had no bedroom furniture. LOL! I moved into that apartment Valentine’s Day weekend of 2015 and I could not have been more in love with my new apartment. My apartment was bae! I didn’t have much, but that sense of peace that I had in the apartment was everything (especially after all the hell I had been through)!

Well, let’s just say 2015 picked up for me in ways that I never would have imagined in 2014. I had finally gotten my own place, school was going great, had gotten a full-time job that payed $30k and I even studied abroad in China that summer. With all of those good fortunes, I was able to buy myself some actual bedroom furniture and things for my apartment. Yeah, it was awesome! In 2016, I left the full-time job to pursue internships and gain more experience. I was still managing to pay all of my bills and have fun while doing these internships that paid little to nothing. I even started dating in 2016 too! (Feel free to read the crazy stories in previous posts! LOL!) Though I had been managing to make it for most of 2016, it wasn’t until the fall that things began to fall apart. I was in a horrible internship with a toxic person and feeling the stress of also being in another toxic situationship! Not to mention also being hit with a lawsuit from an old friend about the apartment that I was in before I left. It was all too much! Now, my apartment that I loved had become a place I didn’t really enjoy being in anymore, but I wasn’t making much money and couldn’t afford to go elsewhere. So with that, I took to going to church more, manifesting and vision boarding. I wanted so much around me to change! I had went from being defeated as I moved here to being on top of the world to back to the bottom again! *sigh* But with my vision board and my prayers and meditation, I began to change my mindset towards my goals and believed that they could be achieved.

After spending Christmas crying my eyes out about not being able to go home and being broke and life in general, I saw a post in our school Facebook group about a lady who was hiring part-time for a consultant position. So I took a chance and reached out to her. Well, we scheduled the interview for December 29th (only 4 days after Christmas) and she had me to meet her at a bar, which I thought was so different. During this interview, we got to know one another over drinks and she basically offered me the position on the spot. I thought she was kidding! She literally sent me an email the next day to show me how serious she was. With the emailed offer letter, it included the salary that I had been saying that I wanted during my manifestations. Wow! So of course, I took the job! It was perfect because I get to do what I love to do from home! Yes!! Once I got the job, I knew that I wanted to shoot for another apartment next because I wanted my peace back! So I went looking at these fancy high rise apartments with the view, I kept saying that I wanted it and focusing on manifesting it. Well, let’s just say I got my new apartment as an early birthday present in March. I was so excited!! I absolutely love my new apartment and the peace that came with it! I have been enjoying my peace so much since I’ve moved in!

With me having made it through the milestone of finishing my degree and all of the hell I went through to get it, I’m reflecting because I am realizing that I’m finally on the other side of that leap of faith. I had to go through hell and high water to get here, but I am here! During those rides from Detroit to Chicago, I would just listen to gospel music and cry my eyes out the majority of the 5 hours because of everything I was going through! It was during one of those rides that I heard the words “It’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it” whispered by God every so gently in my ear! It wasn’t until a couple weeks ago that I could really truly understand what He meant and started to realized that I’m finally over the hell I had to go through to get here. I really hope that this message inspires someone to follow their dreams no matter how hard it may seem….in the end “It will be worth it!”

 

Guess Who’s Back?!

Guess who’s back, back, back…back again…gin…gin…Kiki’s back back back…tell a friend..friend…friend…Kiki’s back, Kiki’s back, Kiki’s back….

LOL!!

Just figured I’d come back with some theme music this time! LOL!

Well,  I’ve been on a little writing hiatus b/c of well…LIFE! I actually started my new career after graduate school, moved into a new place and been continuously getting my life together and adulting and shit…while slowly but surely becoming a festival and concert junkie! LOL! Trust me, there has been so much that I wanted to write about, but I chose not to for a variety of reasons. One of first being that I just couldn’t quite find the words for some of the situations. (I mean we are living in the midst of this Trump era surrounded by Trumpism!) Secondly, I also have been trying to mindful of the content that I put out because I’m concerned about how it could influence my current position and/or ultimately my brand (if this blog becomes something serious). Thirdly, I haven’t really been making as much time to write as I should. In between, adulting and still trying to live my best life…I just haven’t been finding time! But I’m at a point of saying fuck it…I need to write! So I will definitely be writing more often!

A couple of my friends even texted me asking what happened. I had to explain to one of my friends that I didn’t want my brand to be about me telling ya’ll petty stories about these dudes and stuff, but honestly when I think about it…that is a part of my life. I will work on expanding my topics to be more well rounded while still expressing my truth. I plan on doing more traveling and exploring so maybe I’ll tell you guys all about that….as well as any life lessons I learn along the way! But either way…just stay tuned….:)

Be patient with me as well!

Love ya’ll!

Don’t throw stones when….

As I mentioned before, one of my focuses for 2016 was to actually date more and I did just that! Now, I didn’t end up with a boyfriend…but I sure do have some hilarious stories out of all the dates. Well, I have to say that this story that I’m about to tell is one of the funniest/pettiest ones I had of 2016!

I matched with this guy who we’ll call “J” on my lovely Tinder app. Based on his profile, J seemed like a nice guy. He didn’t really give me any “fuckboy vibes” so I was game to try him out. We ended up talking and eventually exchanged numbers. We would text and talk on the phone on a regular basis. Yes, I said talk on the phone! He actually seemed to prefer talking on the phone! (I know it’s rare! I know!) He was hands down one of the most consistent guys I’ve ever met on Tinder! No lie! He consistently called and texted after work to talk about his day and stuff. He also talked a lot about his career and his future. He had also mentioned that he was looking for a wife. (*side-eye* On Tinder?! I highly doubt it, but whatever!)  Overall, he seemed like a great guy (on paper at least). So of course, it’s only right that we have a date since he seems to be checking out, right?!

Right!

So we did! We went to a bakery-cafe style restaurant and had lunch one Saturday. When he came in, I had a mixture of emotions. I was first and foremost relieved that he actually looked like his pictures, but I was also disappointed because he was actually shorter than I expected. (Lowkey, I felt like Fiona when she met Lord Farquaad in Shrek, but that’s just me being dramatic as always!) He wasn’t drastically short. He was actually just my height, but I prefer that guys be taller than me so that’s why I was bummed. (Bummer!) Not to mention the fact that he had on a long-sleeve button down shirt in the middle of the summer. And it was tucked into his jeans….Jeans that were literally just his size…very little room for growth, ya know! But…whatever! His pants, his clothes, his business! Anywho, we talked and had a great time. I really can’t complain about the date itself. Afterwards, he drove me home. Once we made it to the front door of my apartment building, I gave him a hug and was about to walk off when I noticed he was still standing there and was really close to me. I wasn’t quite comprehending his body language, so I naturally and ever so bluntly  said “I feel like you’re waiting on something”. He shook his head (almost as if he was snapping out of a dream) and said “Oh nothing! You have a good night!” and walked off. (Now, in hindsight, I’m realizing that I think he wanted a kiss, but I was too fucking simple to realize it! LOL! Oh well!).

Now, after this date…we continued to talk on the phone and such like we had been. However, the one thing that bothered me about him during the phone conversations was this constant battle we had going about the fact that he wanted me to move to the suburbs. He stayed in the suburbs of Chicago and felt that I would like it out there. I would always tell him that I liked the city more because there is so much going on, so I didn’t think the suburbs was for me. He would always insist that I would and continue to nag me about it, which was annoying AF! He was just consistently pushing the issue. So that was really starting to become a turn-off. At this point, I was trying to think of how I wanted to tell him that I no longer was interested in him because if I was honest with myself he was cool, but I had been waiting on that magic spark the whole time and still hadn’t felt it.

So one day I was on the phone with my best friend scheming and strategizing how I was going to have to let him down easy when he beeps in. I didn’t answer because I wanted to finish strategizing. He beeps in again…I don’t answer again. (LOL!). Then, he calls A-FUCKING-GAIN…and I don’t answer AGAIN! But I told my friend that I was officially irritated because that’s some Bug-A-Boo type shit that made Destiny’s Child want to break their lease so they could move. So I finish up my conversation with my friend so that I could go ahead and get this Bug-A-Boo off the line. So I call the young lad and he just sounds normal like “Hey! What’s up?”….like his ass wasn’t just blowing up for no reason. So we start talking and I realize he didn’t want anything for real. Nothing urgent…just typical conversation. So naturally that pissed me off even more because he blow up my damn line for NO DAMN REASON! So I’m just sitting there letting him ramble…lowkey pissy and trying to wait on him to pause so that I can go ahead and end this….When all of a sudden I hear an older lady’s voice in the background say “Always got yo ass on THAT DAMN PHONE!”. Then, he says in a muffled voice (like he had his hand over the phone) “Hey let me call you back”…and before I could even say “Ok”. The call had ended. Now, it only took me a matter of seconds to realize what just happened. Hell, the shit even brought back memories of when I was younger and my mom would kill my late night chats by telling me to go to bed. LOL! So once I caught what had just happened, I couldn’t help but to burst out laughing! Like ya’ll…I fucking died! I was rolling around on my bed in the fetal position dying laughing so hard at what had happened. Then, I called my best friend and continued to die laughing from the quick roast session we had on his ass. The only reason I had to roast him was because it was safe to assume that he lived at home with his mom since she politely busted in his room talking about how much he is on the phone. How else would she know he is ALWAYS on the phone unless he is ALWAYS there right?! 

RIGHT!

At this point my frustration from earlier had now morphed into pure pettiness because of this newfound information. So you know I had to give it to his ass, right?! So after dying laughing, I ever so politely sent him a bunch of laughing emojis to let him know that I was laughing at him. (I know…I’m petty!) Then, I added how he could pass my number to his mom cuz at least she keeps it real. (LOW BLOW! I know…I know! I’m like Monica “Sometimes I have to fight cuz my mouth too slick” LOL!) From there, we ended up in this ridiculously petty argument where I basically called him out on lying about having his own and he ultimately accused me of being a GOLD DIGGER! SMH! That was when I knew this dude was delusional….cuz how I’m gone dig on the gold at your momma’s house. Like “How Sway?!” *Kanye voice*  I even brought up how he kept insisting that I move to the suburbs with him and asked him how that was supposed to happen. He then came up with some shit about how he was staying with her to save money to buy a house. He claimed he had already told me that. SMH! Lies, fairy tales and fallacies *Kid Fury voice* Then, by the end of the conversation, he claimed that he was about to move into his new apartment in a month or two. Chile, at that point, I didn’t give a damn when, where or what he was moving into. I was just done with him, his momma and his foolishness.  So I just blocked him…(one of my favorite pasttimes) and went on with life!

Now, I’m not shading the kid for not having his own because I’ve been there before. I was shading him because of the lies! I don’t really do liars and don’t have time for their foolishness. If he had explained his situation upfront, I would have been more understanding but instead he lied. He lied and then kept annoying me about moving to the burbs with him. How?! Does your mom allow overnight guests? 

 

Cuz obviously she doesn’t like you being on the phone so much…so I know she gone have a problem with me being over so much! LOL!

The moral of the story is for guys to learn that lying does not get you anywhere because the truth will eventually come out. Or in his case…come in. (As in, into his room! *giggles*).

Here he was trying to shade me for living in the city while he was still living with his mom in the burbs. The old saying says “You shouldn’t throw stones when you living in a glass house”! Well, in this case: “Don’t throw shade when you still live in your momma house!” 

How I knew 2016 was going to be interesting…

As this year is coming to a close, I can’t help but to reflect on the good, the bad and the ugly of this year. With the holidays coming up, I began to reflect on how things were for me last year. Thanksgiving and Christmas were filled with family, laughter and joy, so no complaints there. However, for some reason last year, I was so dead set on having a date for New Year’s Eve. (SMH! I should have known better. LOL!) Well, it was during the last day of 2015 that I knew that 2016 was going to be an interesting year for me!

As a girl who has always been focused on her dreams, goals and ambitions, dating just hasn’t been one of my major focuses. With that being said, I was determined to make 2016 that year were I get the dating ball rolling. So I just took to my “lovely” Tinder app and ended up finding not only one but two dates for that night. One of them was asking me to dinner and the other was asking me to be his plus one at a party, so it was working out perfectly schedule-wise. Of course, I went out and did what most normal girls do before a hot date…got my hair done, nails done and bought a cute dress (for the party…not dinner! LOL). The first date was going to be a casual dining place in my neighborhood, which he suggested btw. Nothing fancy…but at least it wasn’t too far! So I met ole dude there and he looked just like he did on his picture and stuff…(*wipes forehead* Cuz ain’t nobody got time for that Catfish stuff!) During the date, we talked about small stuff. The food…his job…my job…Netflix…Netflix…Netflix…his brother…Netflix….his new apartment…Netflix. I know you’re wondering why we talked about Netflix so much. Well, that was a lot of his contribution to the conversation after being asked what he liked to do for fun. *side-eye* He didn’t seem to have any other real interests or hobbies. He just talked about all of his favorite shows on Netflix. When I tell ya’ll, I was so over his lack of conversation to the point where I should have just left. But no…I’m too nice so I try to listen and pretend to care about his favorite shows on Netflix. (*rolls eyes*). Not only did he talk about his love Netflix hobby/obsession, he bragged about having his own place and how his brother is currently living with him. (*scratches head and looks for a fuck to give*)  It was beginning to be obvious that the subtext of his conversation was leading down the road to Netflix and chill, so I knew I had to get out of there soon. (Plus, I had my other date lined so boy bye!)

Well, apparently I wasn’t the only one trying to skedaddle out of there. After I let it be known that I need to get out of there, we call for the check. We talk and say our goodbyes. He tells me that I can go ahead and walk on out and he will take care of the check. In my mind, I’m like “Ok great!” and wants to start sprinting. Apparently our waitress was quite familiar with my date and had been watching us for quite some time, which I noticed but didn’t think anything of. Well, as soon as he told me that and I started putting on my coat, she comes rushing out of thin air saying “Hey, you need to pay your check!”. (Now, in all honesty, the restaurant is weird because they have a register as soon as you walk in, which could give you the impression that you pay as you leave out. They also have waitresses so I didn’t really know how he was supposed to pay either, but once again he suggested this place so I thought he knew.) Well, after the server’s weird reaction, I naturally start to wonder what was really going on. Well, homeboy starts fumbling like a mug looking for his wallet. It was in that moment that I realized what was going on. He was about to have us do a dine and dash, but ole girl caught that real smooth. *side-eye* In that moment, I started thinking about how he said he had been there quite a few times but usually late at night. See he probably usually comes late at night and can get away with this, but tonight the waitress was not having that! NO GAWD! After awkwardly paying, he walks me out the door and still manages to suggest that I can come over to his place and watch Netflix if I didn’t have any other plans. (Internally screaming….”IF YOU DON’T GET YO ASS OUT MY MUTHAFUCKING FACE WITH THAT SHIT! BRUH, HELL NAWL!) Instead, I just politely say “I’m good”, run to my Uber and delete his number as soon as I get in there.

Now, naturally you know us girls have to call each other and tell each other about the date. So I called my bestie and was like “Girl, this nigga just tried to dine and dash on this date”. Then, we proceed to talk about the rest of the date and have a whole roasting session about it. Well, while I was roasting date #1, date #2 starts fucking himself up. He texts me saying that there was an issue with the party we were supposed to be going to and couldn’t really provide me with any real explanation as to what the problem was. He was saying some nonsense about how he knew the owner of the club but the owner didn’t tell him this one stipulation that he was going to have to do. He never really told me what it was, but I think he thought he was going to get in free but couldn’t and was about to try to swindle Kiki out of her coins. But the DEVIL IS A LIE! At this point, I was already over dating after that foolishness with the last one, so I just did what any uninterested guy would do….I just never texted back and ghosted his ass. LOL! He sent me a few text messages cursing me out for flaking out on him, but at the end of the day his plans didn’t seem stable or safe. Therefore, I had to do what was best for me. The number one rule as a single girl is to do what is best for you at all times! So I DID!

I ended up bringing in my 2016 on the phone with my bestie having a drink and talking about how niggas ain’t shit! That sums up how I knew 2016 was going to be an interesting year for me….especially dating wise! And it really has…I have way more stories to tell! LOL!

TO BE CONTINUED……

Weary of the Morgans of the World

As a young professional, I’m still getting used to the working world and how to handle some of the situations that come along with that. Recently, I was exposed to one that reminded me so much of some high school drama that I had to pinch myself to make sure that I was actually at a company and not at my locker on the way to gym class. It really felt like high school all over again. I’m really not a fan of drama (at least in my own life…I love shows full of drama though lol) and definitely not in the workplace. Well, let me tell you why I’m weary of the Morgans of the world.

So here I was the new person at the workplace and excited to be there. I didn’t really know who to talk to and what to expect, so I did what I normally do…treat everyone with the same level of respect across all boards. So after about a week or two in, I noticed that there was somewhat of a noticeable divide in the office. I didn’t quite understand it, but I most definitely felt it. It seemed to be the majority of the office as a group and then there was Morgan. Morgan actually worked close to me, so it was actually a lot easier to just pop into her office if I had a question. She always seemed so nice and helpful, so I couldn’t quite understand why people wouldn’t associate with her. After failed attempts at getting help from the rest of the office about certain matters, I began to only go to Morgan about my questions because she was always available and so helpful. From working together so much and being in close proximity, we developed a friendship. We began to talk and eat lunch together on a consistent basis. Hell, we even exchanged personal numbers and were texting and stuff outside of work. Everyone in the office noticed that we had started getting close and I noticed the odd looks from people. I didn’t pay it any attention. I just felt like I was doing a good deed by being nice to a person who I felt was being outcast by her fellow coworkers. However, during those lunch outings I began to notice a pattern of her venting about her issues with the company (which I didn’t mind….initially). She often talked about how this isn’t what she wanted to do, how she hated the environment at work and how she felt isolated. Being the person I am, I naturally empathized with her and was engulfed in her stories of how people at the office “really were” and the “real culture” of the organization. Well, after a couple weeks of going to lunch and interacting with her, I noticed that I had developed a disrespect for my boss (because of one of her “stories”) and began to dread coming into work every day. It wasn’t until one day that I was in the car with her listening to her complain for the umpteenth time that it finally hit me that she was the issue. Being the blunt and open person I am, I naturally just told her “Well, at this point, you have made your bed, so lie in it. You’ve already said that you are staying here until you retire so what are you complaining about”. She said “You’re right! You’re absolutely right!” and awkwardly continued to drive. Let’s just say the rest of that lunch was filled with silence and awkward attempts at trying to talk about something else. Well, that moment was the beginning of a shift in our relationship. From then on, I noticed that we could talk but there were quite a few moments of slight shade being thrown at me (during conversations that were normally ok). So…I started picking up on it and started distancing myself away. She noticed and started making it a point to come into my office more or either have some “task” that she needed me for. I continued to do my work, but I just didn’t keep up all that talking that we did before. She eventually started trying to make me do stuff for her (that I knew wasn’t in my job description) by using her little authority that she had over me. I politely reminded her that it wasn’t in my job description. She was upset about it, but she knew that I was right so there was nothing she could do….Or could she?! So immediately after this happens, she mysteriously remembers that she needed to go meet with my boss about something. After her meeting with him, she instantly comes in my office and says that he wants to meet with me. During this meeting, he makes it painstakingly obvious to continue doing my work and steer clear of her (in the most politest way though). I was perplexed because I just knew that this was some kind of set up that she had snitched and planned for me. So as time progressed, I continued to distance myself away from her. She even came into my office one day and tried to have a talk with me about “what happened between us” and trying to get us back being friends again. I basically told her that we just needed to “continue to be professional and reestablish some boundaries”. I also told her that I felt that she was very negative and that I wasn’t trying to be associated with that.  She seemed to take it pretty well (I guess). I continued my distance. She eventually accepted the distance but still wanted us to talk all the time. I simply only said something to her once she had spoken to me; otherwise, there was nothing much to talk about. Well, eventually I had another coworker to ask about what had happened between us. I told her what happened and she instantly started nodding her head with a strong sense of familiarity. She said that I wasn’t the first person she had done that to. Basically, she had done that with almost all of the employees in the office in some way or fashion, which is why no one really associated with her. During this conversation, I learned that Morgan had been going back and telling my boss that I wasn’t doing my job and that I wouldn’t do what was asked of me. (ALL BOLDFACE LIES!) So it was in the moment that it dawned on me how much Morgan had manipulated and lied to me about so much stuff to make herself out to be the victim when in reality she was the villain.

See…it’s people like Morgan that are the epitome of the Big Bad Wolf in sheep’s clothing preying and planning to try to eat you while you simply just on your way to your grandmother’s house. Like…I’m just coming here to do my work and you just trying to fuck shit up. It’s the Morgans of the work world that make it so hard to come in and do your best. They make it their priority to try to destroy anything good within a company. In my observations (from not only this job but other jobs as well) that people like Morgan usually don’t have much going on outside of work, so they like to stir up workplace drama to fill the void of drama in their personal lives. For Morgan, it was even easier to not have drama at home because she didn’t have a spouse, friends, kids or a pet! From what she told me about her personal life, she was very alone! However, after seeing how she treats people, it makes sense that she is. She seemed to not want to see how her constant negativity was affecting not only her work life, but all of her personal life as well. She somehow managed to always be the victim never wanting to admit how much of a role she played in her own misery. Though I still hate how she did me, I can’t help but to still feel sorry for the Morgans of the work world. The misery that they feel is something that I cannot begin to fathom.

I wrote this to share my story, but to also to warn people of the Morgans of the work world so that they don’t get sucked in like I did. As you are on the job, just be mindful of the Morgans of the Work World. They will suck you dry and drain all of your energy to bring you down to their level. Remember: Misery loves company. In this case, Misery (Morgan) wanted some company, but I wanted no parts. When you are dealing with a Morgan of the work world, choose wisely as to if you want to be a part or not. The choice is yours!

A dude with kids…I’ll pass

I have always said that I wouldn’t date a man with kids, and I have a story of a recent disaster as to why.

So during the summer, I met this guy who had a lot of “potential” (that’s what we’ll call it). LOL! He had a lot going for himself in regards to education (getting his PhD) and was very active in the community (having his own programs to help children). As much as I was amazed about all of this, I knew there had to be a catch somewhere. A guy THIS EDUCATED and ACTIVE IN THE COMMUNITY…and SINGLE?! How sway? How? *side-eye* Well, there was….he was divorced with 3 kids! Not one..not two…but three! SMH! After learning of his past, I politely told him that we could be friends initially. Well, one day I thought about it and changed my mind deciding to give him a chance. (*starts rocking back and forth* “Don’t do it, Ms. Celie! It ain’t worth it. Don’t do it, Ms. Celie”) I must say that if I could go back I would have just cut my losses from the beginning and saved myself the trouble, but I guess this lesson just had to be learned. Anywho…so we go on a date and he comes off very nice and kind. We hit it off really hard instantly! We talked a lot about his future goals, dreams and aspirations. Interestingly, he didn’t mind telling me about his failed marriage (he cheated, of course) and his children, which I thought was refreshing.

Well, let’s just say I took his honesty for trustworthiness and decided to start a physically romantic relationship with him. (*screams* No, don’t do it!) It seems that once we started this “physical relationship”…I began to feel emotionally drained. The reason being was because as much as I wanted to believe in him and the possibility that his past didn’t determine his future. I couldn’t help but to realize that his past was effecting not only his present but my present. During those late night sessions, he would receive phone calls either late at night or early in the morning from his baby momma. He would try do things like try to turn off his phone while he was with me in hopes that she wouldn’t call. (One time he tried to turn his phone off but it turned right back on and like clockwork…& she called!). We couldn’t spend a night together without either her calling first thing in the morning or calling while he was over my house. It was obvious that either there was still a romantic relationship or either she was really needy about the kids (still not sure which one was true). So our nights of kicking it would have to end first thing in the morning with her phone call and him rushing off “for his daughter” (he says…*side-eye*). As if that wasn’t already an issue, then I started hearing from him less and less unless I made the effort. He would always say things like “Communication is key”, “Trust is key”, etc.; however, he was not really communication or giving me any reason to trust him. After taking a break from him (about a month and a half) and dating other guys, we ended up running into each other and rekindled some old flames. Well, this time was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me this time. He invited me over to kick it (which was a first because usually things were done at my house). Once I got there, I was instantly hit with the news that his children were there. (DA FUCK?!) But you know I was still trying to make this happen…so I rolled with it. They were sleep, of course, so I figured I was in the clear. So we  have sex and end up going to sleep. During the middle of the night, we are awaken to the sound of a wailing young child screaming “Daddy….Daddy” in the cutest litle voice. He jumps up out of bed so fast to go check on the child that he forgot to put on clothes. He comes back to the bed after putting the child to sleep to telling me how the child was very observant and told him he needed to put on clothes! (LOL) Well, let’s just say the child was sick, so this pattern of jumping out of bed to go check on him continued ALL NIGHT LONG! (*rolls eyes*) “See, this is why I don’t have children!” was my thought process that night! As if that wasn’t annoying enough, he wakes me up early the next morning to tell me to get dressed before the children wake up because he doesn’t want them to see me. OH HELL NO! You are right! Let me get the fuck up out of here because you and these kids are too fucking much for me. It was after that moment that I was instantly reminded of why I didn’t do men with kids from the fucking beginning! Then, I was shown first hand from his actions what I was to him…a piece of ass! Nothing more…nothing less!

As much as I tried to see the future in this situation initially, it was apparent that his past (children and his ex-wife) were very present in his present and his future. I knew from the way I was being treated that I would never be truly integrated into his present or his future because he didn’t want me there. As much as the truth of that stung, I felt that it needed to happen to remind me of why I always said that I didn’t want to be with a man with kids in the first place.

For future reference: Dudes with kids….SAVE THE DRAMA FOR YOUR BABY MOMMA! Not me! Miss me with that shit!

Is #BlackLove a joke?!

I know people are probably wondering if I am serious about such a question, but I’m really starting to wonder if Black love is some kind of joke or even a myth. I’m not in no form or fashion against black love, but in my observations I’m noticing that I almost feel like I can’t take black love seriously. Now, there are some great examples of black love that make me feel proud and I look up to. For example, my Tee Tee Michelle and Uncle Barack!! I mean what is not to love about them?! Considering they are living proof of a powerful black couple, you would think that the idea of black love would be strengthened, right?! Well, I’m not sure if that is the case. I think in some cases it has, but not so much in others.

Interestingly, this post was birthed after seeing a series of posts on Facebook that made me think about the state of Black love. The first thing that I saw as a post below:

disappointed

This post lead me to think about my current mood in regards to black love. It wasn’t until I saw this post that I thoroughly understood what my issue was in regards to black love. I am not bitter about it…I’m just simply disappointed in black men. Now, as a professional black women, I was well aware the pickings would be slim for me because of the alarming rate at which black women are obtaining their higher education in comparison to black men. However, it still didn’t stop me from believing that I could still find someone hopefully either “on my level” or either working to get there. Instead, I either find guys who are struggling to find themselves, settling in being less than they have the potential to be, or overly cocky (and promiscuous) about where they are going. So of those slim pickings, you pick one and say “I’ll give him a chance”. Only to end up being disappointed in not only, the lack of consistency, effort, manners, respect, decorum, but also the sense of entitlement to boyfriend benefits with a STRONG lack of commitment. Let’s just be real: How many times have you been with a black guy who loves to Netflix and Chill or mysteriously has an issue with dating but still wants to fuck on a consistent basis? Now, he somehow doesn’t have time to date you but will drop everything (including his children) to come fuck you! Like seriously?! Then, they still have all of these boyfriend and husband-like demands without the actual effort and/or commitment. You really expect me to cook for you, give you sex on a regular basis, and continue to be the one putting in all the effort because your penis is so good. BOY BYE! *Beyonce voice* Once again,  I am TIRED and DISAPPOINTED!!!

Another post that I saw on Facebook talked about how a person of another race had shared a picture of Michelle and Obama and professed their love for their girlfriend/boyfriend (of their same race). The person who wrote the post went on to talk about how they don’t see much of that type of open social media professing from the black community, specifically the black man. The person talked about how they always see the black woman in the relationships doing all of the social media sharing about their relationship. Under it a person had commented and said “Black love is a joke”. WOW! After reading that post, I tried to think of how many times I’ve seen black men on social media talk about their significant others and I really drew a blank. Like literally…..NOTHING came to mind. I’m not saying that black men don’t do it, but I will say that it’s definitely rare to see compared to the number of black women who post about their “boo”, “bae”, or “man” on social media. So it brought me back to the idea that black women are not bitter but just thoroughly disappointed in black men!

I can only speak from my perspective as a black woman, but I have realized that when I bring up this topic to other black women that I am not alone. As much as I want to continue to point the finger at the lack of good black men, I can’t help but to notice the other four fingers pointing back at me, the black woman. Not only do we require so little from them, but we also raise them to have this sense of entitlement. I realize that most of the black men that I have been with have some sort of charm or charisma to them that I am naturally drawn to, which leads to me saying yes to things I would normally say no to. Interestingly, I’ve also noticed that that same charming, charismatic spell seems to also get put on my friends as well, which leads to the same results. So we, as black women (myself included), may need to up our standards and require more in order to receive more. Also as I am observing the men in my life and family, I am starting to see first hand how we, as black women, sometimes pacify black men and give them this false sense of entitlement and enable their laziness. They can easily call on us to bail them out during their times of despair and still try to make it seem like they did it on their own to spare their “manhood”. Nothing wrong with helping them, but at what point are we enabling them to be our crutch and never making them responsible for being on their own two feet. I’m saying all of that to say that sometimes the black woman (myself included) causes her own disappointment. I’m just simply wondering what went wrong and where and how can we fix this. *sigh*

Dating Woes of a Professional Black Woman in 2016

After watching tonight’s episode of “Insecure”, I felt compelled to write about this topic. It is also something that I have been dealing with personally as well, so it was only fitting to address this issue.

During tonight’s episode of “Insecure”, Issa Rae’s best friend Molly was talking about how hard it is to find a good guy. She named a list of apps that she was using to try to find dates, but all of them seem to only attract asshole men who just wanted to fuck! *lets out a deep sigh* STORY OF MY LIFE!!

So most of this year, I have been trying out different dating apps myself and going on a variety of dates. However, I must say that I completely understand where Issa Rae’s friend Molly was coming from. Most of the guys on these apps will literally wine you and dine you only to try to get in your panties. Like I used to think that “Netflix and Chill” was the only and most obvious ways for guys to try to lead you to the bed….no, no, no! They are willing to take you out on dates and pretend to care and then ultimately really expect that that cheap dinner and lousy conversation magically grants them access to your panties. NO GAWD!!

Another interesting concept that Molly mentioned during her rant about the dating apps was that she kept running into hoteps! The hotep guy in the scene said he wanted a lady who “treated him like a king…but also was a freak too”. If I had been drinking during that scene, I would have literally spit out my drink. Cuz I swear…Issa Rae knows my life!! During my little dating spree, I ended up getting close to this little hotep guy. He was a nice guy, but it was obvious that he wanted exactly what the guy from the show wanted. Now, I’ll admit being the woke young lady I am, I fell for him hard because I really appreciate intellectual conversations from a young black brotha! *swoons* However, I should have known it wasn’t going to last once I learned of some of his hotep ways, but I still tried. Now, anyone who knows me would know that a guy with kids is always going to be at the BOTTOM of my list (for obvious reasons). No…seriously, I can’t do a man with kids because as my friend politely told me “You would be a HORRIBLE stepmom!”. LMAO! (She really told me that to my face! LOL!) I wasn’t the least bit offended because she was so right! But for some reason, I saw “potential” in this guy (or maybe it was just penis lol). Either way, I decided to entertain him anyway. Well, let’s just say not only was there…not one…not two…but three kids there and an ex-wife who still seemed very much a part of his life. (IKR! It’s all too much, right?!) With all of that baggage, he still had the audacity to still walk around with that hotep ass mentality that women should trip him like a king. *insert Kanye West face* HOW SWAY?! HOW?! Like king of what?! Fuck ups! Sorry, bruh…not over here! He even had the audacity to say one morning after he spent the night…”I’m at least worth a meal”. I literally looked at him like he was stupid and told him to “Have a nice day!”. Then, the final straw that broke the camel’s back for me was the night that he invited me over to his place only for me to learn that he had the children there. Like wtf?! So after “chilling” we fall asleep only to be waken up by his child screaming “daddy…daddy” several times through the night! That was when I knew I should have went with my first mind and just friendzoned him like I started too. SMH!!

When I tell you that it is a struggle out here for us young professional black women, it really is! And I feel that it sucks even more if you are a black woman who still is hoping for black love. I’m noticing an influx of my friends “skiiing the slopes” and never coming back to black. (No judgement…just observation!) The funny thing about that is that I am a just as open to an interracial relationship as I am to black love (though my wokeness may be too much for the average white guy lol). I’m still open to either, but it seems that overall we are just missing good quality guys. Where do we find them? Where are they hiding? Hell, where do you go to look for them? Questions like that…are what lead us to the dating apps in hopes of finding good quality guys….only to end up being thoroughly annoyed with dating.

Honestly, I have a myth that black men don’t know how to date, but we will address that some other time. Until then…I wish all the professional single black women the best on their quest to find love. It’s out there somewhere!

 

 

 

New Form of Fuckboy

As a single girl who is actively trying to date, I keep managing to run across this new form of fuckboy and I felt it was necessary to address it (especially for any ladies who may not be aware). This new form of fuckboy’s main claim to fame is that he manages to say all of the things that he feels that you want to hear. However, his actions may actually prove the opposite. For instance, I recently went on a date with a guy who was “definitely looking for a girl” and even went on to brag about how he went to church, etc., etc., etc. *Rolls eyes* (If you didn’t catch that game, he was simply trying to paint a good guy image!). Interestingly, he even made it a point to say on the date that he is a good guy and say how “good guys finish last” with this little “woe is me” mentality. *rolls eyes again* Then, after a drink or two, he conveniently feels “comfortable” enough to try to start wanting PDA in the middle of this bar. Let’s just say once he started it was hard to get him to stop, which annoyed the fuck out of me. During the date, I kept it really cute and didn’t cause a scene but told him when I didn’t feel comfortable. He seemed to respect it long enough to make me think his intentions were good only to turn around 10 minutes later and start it again. By the end of the date, it was painstakingly obvious that this “good guy” persona was all a facade to try to get into his ultimate destination, “Pantyville” (which did not happen by the way!). Then, the next day he really felt that we knew each other well enough to actually “hang out” at his place and drink wine. (*side-eye* THE FUCK?! *scratches head*) I politely declined the invitation and left him to rethink his approach. Later that week, I ended up having to call him out on his shit because as he continued to pursue me every conversation related around sex. Once he was called out, he made it seem like I was incorrect about him and that I must be jaded by guys from my past. I just politely chose not to argue and thanked him and blocked him from contacting me. (*sweet brown voice* “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”)

The things that I’ve learned about this new age fuckboy is that:

  1. They will try to tell you what they think you want to hear. (i.e. “I’m such a good guy”, “I’m looking for a girl”, etc.)
  2. He will try his hardest to convince you of this good guy persona (i.e. examples of old relationships where he was the good guy but it was always the “girls fault”. )
  3. He tries his hardest convince you of his sincerity/ gain your trust. (i.e.”I’m being honest”, “I like that I can tell you the truth”, “Trust me”, “Trust is key”, etc.)
  4. His actions will never truly match up to his words. (i.e. “I want a relationship”, but I met you on Tinder though! *side-eye*; he’s such a good guy but doesn’t respect your personal space smh).

Those are just a few of the actions that I noticed during my recent encounters with this new age fuckboy. I know that I haven’t dated a lot, but I can say that I feel that I am a pretty good judge of character so I usually can pick up on when something is not right. Therefore, I will leave you with this: IF IT SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, THEN IT PROBABLY IS!

I urge my ladies to always be safe, cautious and woke on these dates! Don’t let your loneliness cause you to settle for less than you deserve!!